FUN Friday

TGIF! I hope your Friday is as wonderful as mine is going to be! I have the day off so it will be full of writing and fun adventures with Lily.


That's my nephew busy texting his peeps on The Hubster's iPhone while using Lily as a couch cushion at my mom's last weekend. Today's adventures will be off the couch and on the trail, hopefully.









Mitch Hedberg. Not everyone gets his comedy. It's all in the delivery, I think. He always made me laugh.

Here are a few of his jokes that aren't on that YouTube video:
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, “You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.” As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

My friend said to me, “You know what I like? Mashed potatoes.” I was like, “Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you’re going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.”

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it, I don’t need another step between me and toast.

On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it’s just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where’d you get that banana?

I like buying snacks from a vending machine because food is better when it falls. Sometimes at the grocery, I’ll drop a candy bar so that it will achieve its maximum flavor potential.


KID FUNNIES:

I did Dog Safety this week with the little kids and had two fun interactions today. Both classes were Kinder so the kids were roughly 5.


Me: Do you think it's a good idea to yank his tail?
Class: NO!
Boy: Because then he will bite you and keep on biting until there's blood everywhere and your mom and dad have to call 911 and the ambulances comes and they take you to the hospital and you don't even get to come home for maybe three weeks and when you do comes homes you have to go back for they can take out all your stitches but you still have scars.
Me: Did that happen to you?
Boy shakes his head.
Me: Your brother?
Boy shakes his head.
Me: Cousin?
Boy shakes his head.
Me: Who did that happen to?
Boy shrugs: I don't know.
Me: You don't anyone who has been bit by a dog.
Boy: Nope.
Teacher (whispers): He has a VERY vivid imagination.

Um, vivid? How about SPECIFIC? I had a vivid imagination growing up - but I made up an imaginary friend named Jessica with purple hair. Every meal, my mom had to put an extra plate next to me so she could eat too. But she would only eat Spaghetti-Os. Then one day, I told her that she didn't have to set a plate anymore...because she died. My imaginary friend got hit by a car. Nevermind. I guess even the best of us make up dramatic stuff!

Second classroom was English as Second Language learners. That exchange went as follows:
Me: Do we want to pet him on the mouth?
Class: NO!
Me: What's in the mouth?
Class: Teeth!
Boy #1: Sharp teeth!
Boy #2: Super sharp. And they can bite yo finga clean off!
Boy #1: And then you have trouble to use a fork!
I opened my mouth to say "that depends on which finger he bites off" before remembering that I was there to teach them how to be safe around dogs, not to scare the you know what out of them around my lifelike puppet.

What about you - any big plans for the weekend?

Hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!